That Insane American.

      This will be a stream of consciousnesses of sorts, as I found out., that's the only way I can write. Just blurting out every single detail that comes to mind.

Imagine you're in a fancy train. Everyone who is anyone on the train gossips about me. "Did you see that insane American?" And now you're talking to me. And I'm whining. Of course I'm whining. Everyone needs to whine. It's true.Why a fancy old train? Because I like them. I have absolutely no idea why I wrote that. But, it'll stay.

Well, anyway, life is harder than I thought. Much harder. I've lived this life where I was around the same people for years. I grew up with these people, and now leaving them, I feel like I've left me. I'm no longer the person I was before.
        I don't even have the urge to pick up my pencil and draw or go on the phone and have a long chat about little things. I don't feel like myself anymore. So, the point of this blog is to be a sort of "return to happiness" for me. The title itself, "Balloons and Fancy Trains" makes me smile a lil' bit when I read it. I love balloons and fancy trains, as well as adventure books. Sometimes, I wish I can pull an "Eat, Pray, Love" and just go away and do things I've always wanted to do and find my own person.
      You know what? I was supposed to do a personality chart thing, and I didn't even know myself. You know what I did? I looked up my Myers-Brigg and basically copied down what was there. Yes, I don't even know myself enough to fill out some simple questions. If you're wondering, I'm an ISTP, who is supposed to be this adventurous and gutsy person. That's who I was before, before this. At least on the outside. Or the inside. Sometimes. Just sometimes. You have to realise that.
        Sometimes I feel so "I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!" and sometimes I feel like "Who am I kidding? This sucks. I suck." I swear, I have multiple personality syndrome. I spent about my entire summer reading adventure books, and so I want to go on one of my own. Just escape all of this, but then one side of me says "Stay here. Stay here. You'll be lonely and sad without the people that you know." Yes, it's true, new people scare me. And I haven't been a new person in a while, so now I'm scared of myself. I'm no longer my persona, the person whom everyone thought they knew. They thought they knew me.

BUT NO.
       
        No one knows me. I'm just a, just a, no one. Not even I know myself. Am I this person I was portraying? Wait, I had many personas, one for every situation. But which one is me, huh? WHICH ONE? I HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM! I have to look up my personality type! Do I have no personality at all? Am I just... nothing? No, I'm not. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I think I'm going delusional. Well, what can you expect from me? I'm That Insane American, and this is my first impression on the world.